it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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