All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
