Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
