I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
