We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
