I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Randomize
