help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He passed out mid-signature
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
