Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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