OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
