I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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