Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
