Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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