dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
sex in a hospital.. check
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
