I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
