i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
