well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
