so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize