Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
