so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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