dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
