Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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