at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
