cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
