he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
