I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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