So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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