I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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