You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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