Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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