I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Pants are for mortals
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