I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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