Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
