oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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