You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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