well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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