I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
