i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
