I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Pants are for mortals
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
