how can u be prego again
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
