Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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