You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Did I show you my penis last night?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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