Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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