Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
