Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
