Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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