He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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