I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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