You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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