Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
