The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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