i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
