I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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