I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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