I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
