he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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