I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
