you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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