a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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