Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
