Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize