I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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