What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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