We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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