I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
