Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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