I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
