And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
