Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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