That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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