Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
