Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
