The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
