Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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