I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
