He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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