I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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