Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
