so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
