I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
