i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
