I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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