U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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