I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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