After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize