I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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