But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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