Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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