I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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